A Little More On Me

So I came across these things somewhere a long time ago. I can’t remember where, but it was some place on the ‘net. If anyone recognizes them? Let me know. I know I deleted some of the questions cause I genuinely didn’t know how to answer and that I added a couple other random ones I’d found elsewhere. Feel free to do your own if you’d like and link to them, or just post them, in the comments. I especially found the If I Were questions to be really fun to answer!

The Q&A

Q. Are you a clean or messy person?

A. I am so a messy person. I try not to be, and attempt to be more organized too, but I always end up failing.

Q. Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?

A. I can’t think of anything cause fashion to me is whatever I choose to wear. If I wear it? It’s in fashion to me.

Q. What superpower would you want? Would you use it for good or evil?

A. I’d love to say that I’d totally use a superpower for good, and that I’d be upright and honorable, but honestly I’d probably end up being more like Deadpool than Captain America — though I love both. As for superpower? Oh man, I’d want something awesome like Energy Sourcing or Mimicry though with my awful luck I’d end up with something outright terrible like the ability to heal others, but doing so kills me slowly in the process.

Q. What would you sing at Karaoke night?

A. If I could be convinced to sing? Probably something from the ‘80s or early ‘90s.

Q. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?

A. Nothing. That’s a slippery slope. You don’t mess with the past unless you want to risk screwing up the future, and I am not a risk taker.

Q. If you could get away with a crime, would you? If yes, what would it be?

A. No, I wouldn’t. I know that answer probably makes me a lame duck, but I’ve never contemplated that before.

Q. If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

A. Caution: Known to hoard notebooks, pens, and other writing tools. Beware shaking hands as they’re consistently found to have ink somewhere on them even after recent, and repeated, washing.

Q. What’s your favorite thing(s) to snack on while writing?

A. Lately I’ve been munching on raisins a lot. Though I also really enjoy chocolate or peanuts or Reese’s pieces or animal crackers(sometimes dipped in Nutella, sometimes dipped in Cookie Butter — which I just discovered and loooove).

Q. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?

A. Probably Brie Larson. She’s adorable, kinda tiny, and I think it would suit for playing me as far as grasping my personality. Plus she’s a talented actress.

If I Were

If I were a month, I’d be September

If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday

If I were a god or a goddess, I’d be Nótt

If I were a verb, I’d be Learn

If I were a sea animal, I’d be a Sea Otter

If I were an object in a living room, I’d be a Couch

If I were a gemstone, I’d be a Sapphire

If I were a flower, I’d be a Hyacinth

If I were a kind of weather, I’d be a Rainy day

If I were a colour, I’d be Indigo

If I were an adjective, I’d be Becoming

If I were a season, I’d be Fall

If I were a fruit, I’d be a Strawberry

If I were a sound, I’d be The click-clack of keys on a keyboard

If I were a hogwarts house, I’d be Gryffindor

If I were an element, I’d be Oxygen

If I were a word, I’d be Procrastination

If I were a book, I’d be Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

If I were a taste, I’d be Chocolate

If I were a scent, I’d be The smell of books

If I were an object, I’d be a Book

If I were a body part, I’d be Fingers

If I were a noun, I’d be Writing

If I were a book character, I’d be Jo March

If I were a song, I’d be Adrenalize by In This Moment

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Monday Morsel: 05-16-2016

Another post from my 1790’s/18th century historical roleplay. This is my character Yasmeen Moreau, she’s a doctor/midwife, and in this post she is dealing with emotions caused by the act of her home being attacked and her daughter kidnapped. She is staying as a guest at the mansion of a noble family who she has helped many times. In this post she is waiting for her lover, Nicolai, to return from his search with hopefully good news. I hope that you enjoy the read.

Location: Mansion Laurance, Port-de-Paix

Date: March 14th, Hour After Midnight

Titled: Outpost of Advancing Day

The sky was dark, the moon high, and the wind smelled of fresh rain; the windowsill was still wet from the downpour that had come earlier and fingertips brushed against a couple drops distractedly. The windows had been opened after it turned into a trickle. The need for fresh air to draw into the lungs overwhelming any concern of getting her nightdress or nightgown damp. The latter was a deep red opened over the white linen nightdress with its flowers embroidered at neck and hem. Both had been a gift from Fanny and Esther; the elder daughter having made the linen nightdress and added delicate lace to the nightgown, and the younger daughter having embroidered flowers on the nightdress at neck and hem.

Esther had been so proud of the work she’d done. It’d been the first time she’d done embroidery work at such a scale, and she’d done it well. And from that moment she’d taken off with it. The thought of that her youngest daughter’s exuberant energy brought a sad smile to Yasmeen’s face as she looked out the window. Red-rimmed brown eyes searched the star-riddled black sky as if it would give her a sign. A signal to where her daughter was being kept. . . so that she could be rescued and brought home. She tugged at the end of her braid where it hung over her shoulder and slammed the palm of her other hand against the windowsill when nothing came though.

Dropping her gaze, she now searched the grounds for any sign of Nicolai or the men that were sent out to search. She knew that he had much to do of late, but it hadn’t seemed to delay him in searching for Esther. He was just as heartbroken over the abduction. She prayed that tonight when he came to her room there might be some fruitful news to bring hope. . . What she had was dwindling and she was barely able to drag herself out of bed. Only the persistence of her children kept her from giving in to the weight that tried to pull her down; they had seen her in times like those before and didn’t want to see it happen again.

A knock drew her attention from the ground and she flew to the door. She was confused why Nicolai had knocked for he didn’t have to, but all that mattered was that he was here now. Fingers hurriedly undid the locks on the door, pulling it open with haste only to find a weeping maid outside instead of Nicolai.

It was one of her housemaid’s who had come along to assist her and Fanny with dressing.

Sarah, what has happened?” Yasmeen felt a moment of panic followed by concern, and she pulled her inside then closed the door for privacy.

The maid was in an unusual state of dishevel; hair a mess, gown wrinkled and hem stained with dirt, as she wrung the cap that should be upon her head with both hands instead. She was sobbing heavily and the red of her pale face made it clear that she’d been doing so for awhile. Yasmeen led her to a chair, forcing her to sit down as she went to pour her some tea from the tray a maid had brought earlier.

As Yasmeen returned with the tea, pressing a kerchief into the young woman’s hands, she stopped enough to speak though her voice was hoarse, “Oh, Madame Moreau, I’m sorry. Forgive me, please. . . I wasn’t sure. . . I wanted to wait until I knew and I-I-I wanted to be wrong.

Wrong about what? Sarah?

Yasmeen took Sarah’s trembling hands into both of her own now, kneeling down before the chair and giving an encouraging look so that she’d continue speaking.

Ch-Charles, Madame. I have not seen him since the night she was taken, and today a friend in the guard told me that his body was not among those taken from your home.

Charles.

One of the men that had been part of the guard provided was named Charles. She recalled that he had often accompanied Esther and Fanny during their outings, and on occasion even Esther and Beatrix when they went off to visit patients.

What has been his surname? She recalled having found it odd. . . Chew, yes. Charles Chew. That had been his name.

The implications of what this could mean, the sensation of hope, was overwhelming enough to still her heart and steal her breath for a moment. After a second Yasmeen forced herself to breathe, and then to be patient as made Sarah wash her face and sip some of the tea. She wondered how long until Nicolai would arrive for he would know what questions to ask and what information was pertinent.

Barefeet paced the same path along the rug as she waited for the housemaid to get herself together then she looked directly at her; making sure that her voice was firm enough to make it clear that she didn’t want to be lied to. She wanted every piece of truth that could be provided if it could lead to her daughter.

Tell me everything , Sarah.

Monday Morsel: 11-23-2015

Portion of an RP post from a 1790’s based historical fiction roleplay set on Hispaniola. This is a post made by my character, Gaston IV Moreau(you can see some of his WiP application I posted for a previous Morsel here) who is titled Baron de Moreau and is from France though came to act as manager of the family’s cotton and indigo plantation in 1789 as an escape following the death of his wife and their fourth child after a difficult labor, and recently (current time: approaching Spring, 1790) bought a townhouse in the city for when away from the plantation.

Location: Baron de Moreau’s Townhouse, Port-de-Paix

Titled: Hope In The Darkest Of Times

[. . .]

Hope.

It was a humorous thing how one could find hope even when it seemed to be lost. Gaston had thought it was gone for good; lost to him the moment Henriette-Julie and Madeleine had been taken from his life just as when he had lost his mother as a child. Until he’d met the woman that became his wife, and she’d gave all that hope back to him. To feel that loss again had been difficult. Henriette-Julie had been a woman deserving of sainthood, at least in his mind’s eye, instead of one that barely survived bringing their fourth child into the world.

She had fought hard for little Madeleine to live, and then achingly the baby had only had four days of life before being taken and. . . Henriette-Julie had followed only a couple days later. Gaston had heard the midwives say that both mother and child were weak. Both had been strong; stronger than any man he’d seen take a hit at one of the club sporting matches of his youth. His sweet wife had bore him two children at once on her first labor experience, and though customs dictated that he not be in the room when she demanded his presence he was there from the first moment. He’d seen the full strength the Lord had blessed her with in that moment as she fought determinedly to bring Marie-Jeanne and Margaret into the light; that same strength that she’d continued to use with Madeleine even when it looked like all her own life was fading. And Madeleine had fought as well, her cry was weak yet that didn’t stop her from making the sound as she kicked her legs and waved her fists.

No, he hadn’t believed a single word the midwives told him from the moment they had called his wife and child weak. Had refused to on the grounds that in his gut something didn’t feel right. . . and not listening to them was the best decision he could’ve made for his future. Buying this townhouse last month, bringing the children here with him almost two weeks ago, to get away from the plantation had been one of the second, and not-so-subtly forbidding his Grandmother to stay here had been the third.

Not that Anne-Marie Moreau, Dowager Marquise de Champlay, would deign to stay in a townhouse that was formerly owned by ‘trade folk’ especially not ones that had ‘soiled themselves by breeding with those animals’ she had sniffed. Of course, that her own sons had done such things were overlooked by her in true hypocritical form.

This place, a simple townhouse, had given Gaston back that lost hope.

[. . .]

Of Mugs and Mumbles: Thinking Responsibly

Of Mugs and Mumbles Banner

This post won’t be as long as my last one since my writing/typing will be limited for awhile. Why? Cause it seems that my most recent health issue, which is my right wrist hurting a lot and misbehaving, has turned out to be Tendonitis. Now, if you’ve never had this before let me tell you that it’s terrible and affects things you might do. Mine currently causes tremors, weakness, and motor control issues when the pain gets really bad — usually the case. This has been going on for about two weeks now and I was hoping it’d turn out to be nothing serious, and would take care of itself like when it hurts from my RA. Unfortunately, I’m not quite that lucky.

My doctor has begun treatment, but that treatment consists of a daily anti-inflammatory, heat applied as needed, and resting the wrist/hand. That last definitely impedes things especially my plans to do NaNoWriMo. I got an idea a couple days before my appointment on Thursday and was looking forward to starting it, but now I’m realizing that I should probably do the responsible thing: bow out. I haven’t skipped NaNo once since first discovering it so this has me feeling bummed. However, if I push my wrist by writing/typing when it’s going to make the pain worse that could cause worse issues. Since I can’t afford a new headset with mic until either late next month or the month afterward that means I can’t use the Voice to Text Tool in Google Docs either. So what will I do instead?

I’m thinking that I’ll read more, do a little leisure writing like my roleplaying posts and blog posts/book reviews, and plan for Camp NaNoWrimo! I think the first one is in April so that gives me a little time to plan a bit with this idea. It’ll be a nice change since a little planning can help me with pantsing. I’m not talking about tons of it, of course. Just some small things. While I hate skipping NaNo, it is necessary and sometimes you have to make responsible, adult decisions like putting your health first.

Best of luck to everyone still participating though, and if you need a cheerleader just pop onto my FB, Instagram, or into my comments here and I’ll do my best. =D

Monday Morsel: 11-02-2015

This one comes from an American AU Harry Potter roleplay group. The character writing the letter is named Tauran Ka’aukai and he’s writing it to his lady, who he just met in spring, named Esther Vaughn. Her writer and I refer to these as Toaster Letters as their ship name since we first played their original incarnation on a sci-fi board has been Tausther which reminds us of Toaster. Anyways, while in this version certain things like combination of magic with muggle tech is becoming more and more a thing, and it’s quite definitely way post-Potter as it’s present day, Tauran is fond of old ways and is a fan of writing romantic letters. Here’s his most recent one for your viewing. I hope you enjoy.

__________________________

October 17th, 2015

Esther,

My deepest apologies for not sending a response sooner. It’s becoming that time of year where those in the magical community leave their fires burning too long, and, though it’s not our division’s duties necessarily, when fires occur as a result of Ashwinder eggs we’re called to investigate. I can be thankful though that none have resulted in serious injury or harm. The fires were managed smoothly and muggles none the wiser to the true cause. Though I’m seriously considering putting a PSA in the DC Pioneer at this point for those forgetful witches and wizards.

It pleases me that you enjoy the plant. What you have told me about your home made it seem a perfect fit, and it’s wonderful lighting for reading. Not too little and not too much on the eyes. I thought that would be to your liking. The place where I bought it was lit completely by one plant with a variety of bulbs. I will take you there when we see each other again. Truly I can’t wait for that moment. Your laugh, your smile, that suggestive glint in your eyes, the way your fingers lightly tuck loose strands of hair behind your ear, the way your touch against my own skin makes it tingle. . .

These are the things I think about often. I have read your letters multiple times, and carry the small one in my wallet. It makes me smile though amusingly Ichabod has been sensitive as he took offense that you think him too small to carry large packages(although he may’ve preened his feathers at the owl you chose to send who was pleasant company). I, on the other hand, am glad that you did for he can be a little clumsy on occasion. He damaged several packages before I decided to place spells on fragile ones. Your brother’s raven has a wonderful name. Are they difficult to handle?

Are you excited to begin your training at YSM? Will you be there long? The idea of you being in Portland less does make me feel sad, but at the same time I’m happy for you. I know how much you want to teach. The package you sent is wonderful, and will be put to use. Winter and I do not agree, and getting used to living in a place that has a true winter unlike my home state of California or my home away from home Hawaii is difficult. Oregon in winter is truly beautiful though. Have you seen the sunset over Crater Lake in winter? It is one of my favorite views.

When I think of you though, I think of Spring. I was reading April by Johann Wolfgang Goethe the other night, and you came to mind. Most especially when I hit this part:

would so truly like to greet,
in a world of dullness, blindness,
one true look of human kindness,
where two kindred spirits meet.

It reminded me clearly of our meeting that day in the cafe. My world had felt dull after my son’s passing until I met you.

You deserve to be spoiled. My mother has always said that I have a habit for spoiling those I care about, and you fall into that category. I suspect she knows this already. I told her about the plant I sent you, and now she’s adamant to get one for herself. The seller said that they are not difficult to care for if you are worried. I can stop in for a visit, and see if they could recommend some reading and care tips the next time I’m near, if you’d like?

As for my family, and your family, and us all meeting — there isn’t any pressure. I know it’s a scary one for the both of us. While I do look forward to meeting yours at one point, I am happy that we are taking things slow as you know this is new territory for me. My parents only wondered as they are curious about you, and admittedly my mother wants to talk plants with you. If you wish to send her something, she is fond of succulents especially those that she can use in healing potions and treatments. Oh, I forgot to mention that my mother is a mediwitch. You can never go wrong sending her plants that she can use in relation to work.

I can understand your reason for not wanting to tell your brother my age, and take no offense. It’s understandable. We could discuss possible ways to handle it at some point if it’d help. For now though, don’t rush yourself. When the time is right you’ll know. I haven’t told my siblings about you yet, but only as they are busy and I am not ready to be bombarded with questions yet. I told my parents though cause I tell them everything.

Speaking of, I have to go call them. I look forward to your next letter though I might call you tonight at work. I do miss your laugh.

Yours If You Wish,

Tauran

P.S. It is good you have an abundance of patience as you’re dating me, and I can be stubborn and frustrating at times.

Of Mugs and Mumbles: Post #1

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There’s something I must admit:

In the last handful of years I’ve done less than a little writing and reading.

Honestly, I talk about reading and writing more than I do either these days, and it’s not something that made me feel proud. When I say writing, I mean all of those that I do from short stories to poetry to novel writing. This includes too my roleplay and fanfiction writing. The saddest part is that I use to do these things all the time until one day I started not doing them as often. It was a gradual decline that I didn’t notice at first and when I did it seemed difficult to reverse.

Why?

The reasons are numerous. There’s obviously ones that I don’t know and likely won’t figure out until later — if ever — though the purpose of this post is to be open. With that in mind I’ll list the ones that I do know.

Chronic Health Problems

It’s come up here before, and on my social media, that I often deal with health issues. The biggest one is my JRA(Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis), which I now refer to as just RA since I’m an adult, that I was diagnosed with around age five. However, on top of the RA there are other problems caused by it ranging from the havoc it wreaks on my immune system, the damage done to my body, the fatigue that bombards me, the brain fog fatigue can cause and the severity depending on how fatigued I feel, etc. can be difficult to handle. Separate from the RA I deal with chronic nerve pain, IBS(Irritable Bowel Syndrome), TMJD/TMD(Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction), and some other things. These health issues can often make it difficult to read or write. Sometimes it could be that my hands are hurting a lot making it painful, if not downright impossible, to hold a pen or a mouse or a book. Other times it can be that my fatigue is being terrible and I don’t have the energy to make myself do anything let alone think clearly.

Stress

In recent years I’ve dealt with a lot of stress. The exception to that being the last roughly 10 months since moving to a new area and into my first apartment. Prior to that I’d been faced with the constant possibility of ending up homeless(my entire family actually though thankfully that’s not the case now) while living on severely limited funds which occasionally resulted in us not having enough near the end of the month and going hungry. And while that was not all of it that was enough to stress me out something awful. This caused other problems and worsened my health problems. As you can imagine reading and writing became more infrequent as I found it impossible to concentrate, and using either for escapism refused to work like it did in the past. When I would read I’d always end up having to re-read what I’d just read cause I couldn’t focus with my mind full of bigger concerns. Writing was much the same way in that I couldn’t come up with ideas let alone hold onto the desire to write them with other things taking focus. I still struggle with this some though the stress has been diminished largely, but I think it’s just residual stuff as well as a combination of my health and the next reason.

Depression & Anxiety

Alright, the first part of this has been a part of my life for longer than the last five years. It’s something I’ve been dealing with since at least my pre-teen years. Generally it relates to thoughts and feelings about my health problems. Being in pain and/or sick all the time can be as mentally draining as physically, and honestly at times more so. The stress made it worse along with making my health issues worse so it got really hard to handle at times. Add on that I started dealing with some anxiety around the point my stress and depression were at their absolute worst, and I was a complete mess. At one point my depression hit the scariest level that I’d ever faced before. Thankfully friends and loved ones helped me realize this before I hit bottom. Eventually I was able to get back to a good place, but it took awhile and though the last 10 months have been better in many ways I still deal with the depression, and minor anxiety, cropping up to interfere with the things I enjoy that usually help me with both issues.

While this isn’t everything, I think it’s enough to show what has been hampering my writing and reading. And what has been bothering me, of course. I still do both, but reading takes me longer(used to read multiple books in a week and now takes me sometimes a month to read one) and writer’s block/lack of muse problems happen with my writing often. Occasionally I’ll have writing ideas though no desire or energy to do anything with them. Lately I’ve been making more of an effort to read and write more. Luckily my roleplay/collaborative writing partners have been understanding and patient; not pushing too hard or getting upset over delays. They’ve worked with me instead so I’m making progress. My reading has been improving as well. It’s not progressing as quickly as my writing, but still I’m pleased. Doing book reviews on the blog has helped, and recently I took part in a read-a-thon which was quite enjoyable.

The biggest thing that has helped me though is talking about reading and writing. As I said earlier I didn’t feel proud about it though I didn’t consider it a cardinal sin. And I still don’t consider it one. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen articles or blogs that go on about how this is wrong. Some of these are by fellow writers — even published authors — that always say not to do it and that it doesn’t make you a real writer. These same judgments circulate about people who talk about reading more than they read.

Here’s the thing though: it’s nonsense.

There’s nothing wrong with it and there’s no reason to be ashamed.

Talking about things that you love is never wrong. I love to read and write, and talking about things I love is something I’m always going to do. It’s also something I’ll encourage others to do as well. Sometimes I’ll see people say they haven’t read a book/more than x number of books in x numbers of days/weeks/months/years and similar variations about writing, and inevitably it’s followed by them saying they’ve lost their interest or passion yet that’s not necessarily true. I still see them talking about it, doing small things that count as reading(stuff online, fanfiction, ficlets) or writing(drabbles, blog posts, fanfiction), discussing/recommending books or helping other writers that are struggling, and so forth that make it clear this is not the case.

What they don’t always see clearly in relation is that when life happens — inevitably rearing its angry fire-breathing heads — it’s demanding and draining. As a result certain things get shelved while others take priority even those you love. That doesn’t mean you have to stop or give up those things. I kept talking about reading and writing. I know that if I didn’t I would not be making the strides that I have been lately. I would probably be in a worse place since those issues I dealt with before, and still deal with in some respects, were gotten through easier cause I was able to talk about what I enjoy. I don’t want to think what my life would be like without reading and writing in it, and you don’t have to give something up cause you’re not using it.

When you feel like tossing them out — don’t. When you start to feel wrong for talk about what you love more than you do them — don’t.

Do what you need to do to get through whatever matter is making it necessary to shelve them, and when ready you can dust them off and take them down again.

Thanks for taking the time to read what I had to say. It helped me to get this out, and I hope that reading this helps anyone else struggling with life’s difficulties.

NaNoWriMo & Coming Soon

So this is just a quick post to say that I am participating in NaNo this year and though I still don’t have an idea — I’m toying around with one my brother suggested — I still plan to go through with it even if I have to wing it. What does that mean? Expect NaNo posts on my social media accounts, and some here on the blog. If you’re participating? Awesome! Come chat with me. We’ll be cheerleaders for each other!

The purpose of this post is also to say that posts will be made to the blog soon for the following:

  • Book review: The Last Werewolf by Glen Duncan
  • Book review: The Hogwart’s Library Collection by J.K. Rowling(this includes: The Tales of Beedle the Bard, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them, and Quidditch Through The Ages)
  • Book review: To Seduce A Sinner by Elizabeth Hoyt
  • My introductory post for a new thing I’m doing called Of Mugs and Mumbles. This is my version of weekend coffee share, but not exactly the same so it has it’s own name. I’m hoping to have the post go live Sunday once I get the banner done.

Some other things are still in the on-hold phase such as SCRIBE, Interviews, Spotlights, Cover Reveals, etc. I’d like to do these things, but life doesn’t necessarily allow for it right now. Hopefully soon though. I’ll update again about this stuff. Also if you’re interesting in what I’m reading or writing, check out my Instagram. While I do make posts to my FB Writer’s Page and Twitter, it’s Instagram where I’m the most active. There are reading related posts, pictures of books, book ratings when I finish a book, and writing posts made there all the time. Also it’ll be where a lot of my brief NaNo updates will be shared.

Feel free to come chat with me there any time you want.