(n.) a battle against imaginary enemies; fighting your shadow
pronunciation | skE – a – mok – E (SKEE – a – mahk – ee)
1615–25; < Greek skiamachía, equivalent to skiá shadow + -machia -machy
Also, sciomachy , sciomachy or skiamachy
Today while browsing my Facebook wall this word came to my attention. It wasn’t the first time, and likely won’t be the last, that I’ve seen this word yet today it got the wheels in my head turning. Lately, it seems that all I do is fight these imaginary enemies in my life. Day in, day out they leave me exhausted for one reason or another, because while they may be imaginary enemies that doesn’t keep them from being tangible. They take shape in the mind until their forms become solid enough that it feels like you can’t fight them off; taking on super powers that rival those of villains in comic books so that you feel weak beneath the onslaught. On those days when it gets really bad it feels easier to just admit defeat than fight for another second.
As some would say ‘The struggle is real.’ and that’s not a lie.
These imaginary enemies are born of doubt, depression, pain. They use the emotions rolling around inside to drag you down until there’s no light. While you try your best to escape it becomes increasingly harder to do so until your willpower is completely drained.
On a good day, you might climb high enough to feel just enough of the distant warmth on your face to gain some energy and climb out. On a bad day, you want nothing more than to stay in that dark hole.
Lately, it seems like I’m living in that hole uncaring about whether or not I win the fight against my personal sciamachy. The depression gets bad enough that I can’t pull myself out of it and that can be devastating to realize. Nobody wants to admit that they aren’t fighting against these enemies. Nobody wants to say ‘I’ve given up on my life, given up on myself. . . because it’s easier than continuing to struggle’. It adds more weight onto the depression.
Without certain aspects in my life I admit that I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out. Recently I almost lost one of those aspects that keep me whole cause I let my decision-making process be colored by those things I struggle with day-in, day-out whether I wish to or not. By almost giving in to them I almost made a mistake I might not have recovered from, but luckily I came to my senses in time to fix everything. I wrangled in the doubts, the depression until I was able to make sense of everything again and make myself whole.
It scares me to realize I can fall apart to that degree. That I can crumble beneath that much sorrow, self-doubt, stress. . . that it just destroys everything. Now I’m fighting harder to hold onto those aspects that keep me whole. Why? ‘Cause I don’t want the next incident to come after I’ve made another mistake. If that happens then it could be one I might never be able to fix.
One way I’m going to do that is by posting to my blog a little more regularly. Another way is creative writing. I’m going to use my imagination, my creativity to keep myself functioning even when the spiral starts to head in a downward direction.
So I must ask this of those who follow me, and while it’s not many I value all of you: What do you wish to see on my blog? I was considering some book recommendation pages with tiny blurbs/reviews(spoiler-free) and then some full reviews of books I’ve read(these would have spoilers though be marked accordingly).
I was also considering accepting some prompts from those who might be interested in providing them. You could send them as comments on my Facebook writer’s page, as an ask on my Tumblr equivalent to this blog, or I can find another possible method as well.
On occasion there will be some non-writing/reading related posts. These will be personal or political, or both, in nature. If you don’t like these than you’re more than welcome not to read them, but they will be there cause while I’m a writer, an aspiring author, I am also a human being with a brain full of thoughts and feelings.
So yes, bring me some suggestions on things you’d like to see and together we can be an army in the united fight against our sciamachy!