Every so often a mood hits me. Sometimes it’ll come out of left field while other times it’ll be a movie or a television show or a song that brings the feeling into existence. When nostalgia washes over me I find myself immediately seeking out things from what I perceive as simpler or happier times. Usually this is my childhood, because for some, not all, being a child was a time when everything was less. . . overwhelming; these were the times when you had no worries in the world as it wasn’t your responsibility to be concerned with bills or money or any of the thousand things that plague the mind as an adult.
When I get in this mood I generally spend hours, or days, listening to music or watching movies or television shows that remind me of this time. I might even pick up a book that brings back feelings of those times. I will sit there then let myself get lost in those memories drawn to the fore by them. They make me smile, they make me cry, they make me laugh. . . Mostly they just make me wish for that time again. Not to say that it was perfect as life is far from perfect at any point during its passage, but it was pretty close.
The stresses of real life in the later years, especially in the adult period, tends to make the joyous moments feel further and further apart. You want to hold onto those that come as tightly as possible. At least, that is how I’ve been feeling of late. Stress eats away at everything when you can’t get it under control and presently mine is off the charts. I can’t seem to find a moment where I don’t feel it unless I’m letting myself escape in some fashion or another, and even then that doesn’t always work.
This has impacted my writing quite a deal. Used to I could write to escape the weight of everything. It helped clear my mind until I could think straight and feel less down. Nowadays that doesn’t work. The more stressed I feel the harder it is to take my mind off it. Music, shows, movies, writing, reading, coding — nothing works anymore. I suppose that’s just part of life though. Eventually you hit a point where nothing is going to help until that matter causing the stress to be so high is handled; once it is not a concern then you can go back to feeling lighter.
Of course, that all feels a long way off for me so for the moment I’ll escape into the nostalgia.