Sometimes I feel like these become further apart. I keep meaning to update this blog more often, but then I can’t think of anything worthwhile to post or my muse refuses to cooperate. There aren’t things occurring within my life, of course. That is inevitable to avoid. It’s just a matter that most of it is only something you’d share with close friends or family while the rest is just mundane. This leaves me feeling like there’s nothing I could write about that anyone that follows me; few as those numbers are in the first place, would care to read.
Then again I’m becoming a little closemouthed in general when it comes to myself. Shutting myself away from even those close to me it feels these days. It’s not a good feeling to realize either. There’s something horrible about not only cutting myself off from them, but knowing that I’ve also shut myself away without any real explanation to them is just as bad. These are people that have been there for me in one form or another who deserve far better than to be treated this way.
I guess what is raising all these feelings is the fact that I feel out of touch with everything.
People that I’ve fallen out of contact with for one reason or another; mostly my own fault in the majority of cases, is just one thing. I can’t properly put them into words to explain what I’m feeling which is pathetic to say as a writer. Aren’t words something that should flow out of us as easily as air flows into our lungs? They don’t in my case these days. I’m not able to write anything even when I put my mind to it. At least not anything that is worthwhile. Most of what comes out is garbled trash that’s scrapped immediately. I’ve always known that being upset, being depressed causes this issue for me, but it seems harder to overcome this time.
Would getting back in touch fix everything I’m feeling of late?
I don’t really know how to get beyond it anymore as pathetic as that sounds. Usually to get myself better I close myself away for as long as I need and that is how I deal. After awhile things would heal, but this time it seems to take longer. Instead all I want to do is shut myself further away. It’s a rather difficult thing to admit.
Writing this doesn’t really do anything for me except let me clearly express what has been going on in my mind. Well, at least to an extent. Yet that’s an important thing to do.
I guess I’d like to share this with others as well just to say two important things: Don’t shut yourself away from others, from those who care about you, until you can’t bring yourself back into the open. Don’t get out of touch with the people that are important. It’s not a good feeling. It’s a lonely, depressing sensation that just drags you deeper until you don’t want to bother with anything.
Don’t ever let that happen.