All that I can say is Camp NaNo arrived 3 days ago. . . and my word count is at 0 as of this moment. I consider it amusing that I was excited for the approach of the 30 day chaos of writing a novel, but when it came my mind went blank. All I can think now is ‘Is my idea decent?’ or ‘Is this really what I want to write?’ every time I try to put some words on the blank page. That, in itself, invoking a whole other plethora of block that I can’t adequately explain except to say it makes this invisible wall appears that blocks off any creativity to drown it under doubt.
Some writers suggest that you just push through it and write even when you can’t feel it, but I find that extremely hard to do. Some part of me feels like if my urge to write is so lacking than anything I put on down is just going to be garbage. Not worth writing let alone reading, or more importantly allowing others to read. I’ve trashed many stories and short stories due to this doubt in my ability. Now, I want to try to push past it to participate in Camp NaNo. Perhaps actually succeed at completing it since I’ve never managed to do that in November. How I’m going to do it? I’m not sure. I’m lost. . . and feel like I lack direction. I can’t decide if I like my concept, if I have enough information for it, or if I even want to write it. Yet when I first decided to do it for my Camp NaNo novel I was eager. This was a story concept that’d been nudging at my mind for months upon months, and here was a chance to do it! Until my muse decided to drown under doubt.
Is it a simple case of over-thinking, perhaps? I can’t help wondering if that is what’s happening. Maybe I should just run with it even though I have all these questions plaguing me then see what happens in the end. See if it flows in a direction that is workable or if I have to scrap it midway through to find something else. I am unsure at this time, but what I do know is Camp NaNo has started and I’m already far behind!